Euro-Sceptic

No, no, I'm not about to become a Tory voter, rather still basking in fuzzy confusion following Congratulations, last night's 50 Years of Eurovision Tribute which I "enjoyed" live along with millions of viewers across Europe, allegedly. Wonder if everyone else is feeling as confused as I am?

This bizarre affair left me with far more questions than answers. Why cobble together such ill-matched presenters boasting less chemistry than a Bunsen Burner? I swear, Katrina made no attempts to hide her desire to strangle the Scandi singing sensation- name momentarily escapes me- with whom she was forced to share the podium. And did the Irish underwrite the whole event? How else can we explain Jonny Logan's (and hasn't he aged?) showcase for his formulaic new single, all that irritating Riverdancing, and most unforgivably, Ronan Keating's unwarranted performance? And exactly which overtly pressing engagments held those luminaries who should remain especially grateful to Eurovision for launching their international careers such as Sir Cliff, Abba, (Irish) Dana etc, from attending this auspicious bash? Shame on them, they should have all been there with bells on like the ancient Frenchwoman who'd won the first one, those Belgian Frighteners in their original purple flares (lets hope they'd washed them since 1971) and good old Bucks Fizz who didn't yet years of lineup change and infighting get in the way of their glorious reunion.

The overriding question, for me at least, is how the HELL did Dana International's "Diva" make the shortlist of the best 14 Winning Songs of All Time? It was enough of an abomination that the Greek Britney-a-like 2005 Winner was catapulted into the final 5, but Dana Interuseless's ubiquitous participation in the proceedings was just plain infuriating. The woman can't sing, can't dance, looks ridiculous and talks complete rubbish every time a microphone is within 50 feet. I understand the whole international gay cult following, but that does NOT entitle her to stick her "art" in my face, particularly when she is representing one of my countries and forcing me to vote for her as the only Israeli finalist. Bah. Salt in the wound was the brief appearance of Gali Atari singing "Halleluya"- ah, I remember when they used to have "good" people competing... Glossing over the Israeli catalogue of recent embarassments (and I include Shiri Maimon, for she is most annoying) Sonia, anyone? Gina G? Imaani? James from Fame Academy? And the unspeakable Jemini? Eurovision is clearly nothing more than a glorified re-packaging of international musical flotsam, with each country covering their respective faces and praying that someone, somewhere has sent someone even worse.

I'll get down off my soapbox now and admit that I, like many others, in a nod to my dual nationality voted for... Brotherhood of Man, as well as that hateful "Diva". Well, they at least had the decency to show up, and Abba clearly didn't need my support. And after the unsurprising result, I was left with a heartwarming thought from a co-viewer: Cheese-fest though it may be, it is rather sweet that all "European" (ahem) countries can at least cooperate annually on a musical venture, even if it's all for show, a dreadful waste of money and laden with deep-seated politics. Now, if only we could get as many people interested in issues of greater importance! Maybe it is time to recruit Terry Wogan to the United Nations...