Mistletoe and Whine

DISCLAIMER: This is a figurative Countdown to Christmas and should not be taken literally. And the title will probably be lost on non-Brits, or non-Cliff Richard fans. (Hopefully there are more of the latter reading this than the former)

On the 12th Day Before Xmas: As has been the case since her relocation to the Holy Land, Parrot mourns the Commerical Spirit of Crimbo and decides that the time is ripe to festively decorate her apartment. Right, she declares to friend at (EJ) work. Let's go shopping in Bethlehem! Let's go and find the cheesiest, tackiest possible decorations to brighten up the Bleak Mid-Winter, and maybe even call in on the BBs while we're at it.

On the 11th Day Before Xmas: Parrot realises she overlooked the sad fact that she runs the risk of incarceration for her planned shopping excursion 'cross the wall. Oh well, it's only tinsel. And who knows, maybe next year there'll be Peace On Earth so there won't be any need to fret about expired permits, checkpoints and im/penetrable barriers. Hark, is that a Herald Angel Singing?

On the 10th Day Before Xmas Parrot is delighted to receive a lovely box of Cadbury's Tree Decorations, decorated with cute Santa's, reindeers, puds etc- a pre-Chanuka gift from Mrs. Nushworld.

On the 9th Day Before Xmas Parrot finishes box of Cadbury's Tree Decorations.

On the 8th Day Before Xmas Parrot reads Hipster's post about Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas" song and then can't get song out of her head for 61 hours. Parrot curses Hipster. But not for too long, because we've met Hipster and she is nice. Parrot listens to several "Holiday" stations on Pandora in an attempt to loosen the hold of dear Mariah's warbling- and now hears Dean Martin singing "Ruh-dalf" at regular intervals.

On the 7th Day Before Xmas Parrot receives an email from friends honeymooning in Florida: "Thought of you.... There are some crazy Christmas decorations up and the people over the road have an inflatable teddy bear wearing a kippa with a dreidel in its hand!"

On the 6th Day Before Xmas Parrot reads RR's post about the widespread invasion of Santa Claus (and the Easter Bunny, no less) into Israeli supermarkets. While trying to participate in a mature fashion in the subsequent debate about how paraphinelia of other religious festivals may confuse Jewish children, the increasingly loud "I want one of those! I want one of those!" voice in her head is now threatening to drown out Dean Martin, Mariah and Cliff.

On the 5th Day Before Xmas Parrot feels extremely guilty about still craving a toy chocolate-filled Santa and remembers that a) she is 30 and b) the religion she is a practising member of is actually celebrating their own festival, one that involves many sparkly lights, communal activities (bless 'em) and the ongoing gorging on deep fried products to mark the miracle of oil burning longer than it should have in the temple. Parrot prays for a few miracles, blessings and joy of her own (did someone say "Lottery"?) and attends various parties, struggling to keep the collective doughnut/latke consumption count to single figures.

On the 4th Day Before Xmas In the deep-fried hangover haze, Parrot suddenly realises that she does indeed have a genuine excuse for purchasing a toy Santa- the East Jerusalem office's upcoming Christmas Party! Delighted, she charges off to Mega, and gets funny looks from fellow shoppers while cooing excitedly over the Santas and Stocking Boot things. Even her Supermarket companion distances herself from this embarrassment. Yet, easily pleased, Parrot leaves proudly clutching one chocolate-filled Santa.

On the 3rd Day Before Xmas Parrot now remembers that the fact that the Santa is made by an Israeli manufacturer will pose an obstacle in terms of bringing him to the party, being as some employees will be loathe to consume the Chocolate of the Occupation (however cutely it may be presented.) Parrot now wishes she'd been a little less hasty in devouring those Cadbury's (ie Occupationally un-Hazardous) novelty tree decorations from a few days before.

On the 2nd Day Before Xmas Parrot attends E. Jeru office party. Unlike similarly named bash attended in 1999 when employed at dodgy Debt Collecting Agency in the UK, this "party" involves no drunkenness, debauchery or random coitus between employees and YTS girls in the photocopy room. (Mainly because there are neither YTS girls nor photocopy room to be found) Instead, a dignified, non-alcoholic toast hoping for peace and goodwill, drunk collectively by Christians, Muslims and Jew and accompanied by some very good eats. While hearing about everyone's holiday plans, and accepting wishes for a Happy Chanuka from all her colleagues, Parrot tries not to focus on this morning's drive to the office wherein she overheard some none-too-complimentary and somewhat threatening phrases being yelled people on the street at the Police van and other Israeli vehicles (although despite being upset by what she heard, she is quite proud at her progress in Arabic.) She tries not to contemplate whether peace is a pointless pipedream used to shift cards and sell songs which make us feel warm inside at this time of year, or if it is rather something genuinely tangible within this region and across the world. Because too much thinking in that direction is only going to make her head hurt. And she lives for the moments where people surprise her, and remind her that no matter what the media tells her or what she hears on the streets, there are wonderful people everywhere.

On the Day Before Xmas No Partridges, or Parrots, in any Pear Trees. But one can still find much amusement in this list of Carols for the Disturbed. And will carry on as normal (ahem) while looking forward to some quality time with this gentleman:


He might not be welcome in the East Jerusalem office, but he's always going to be welcome in the House of Parrot!

Whatever Festival, wherever and however you are celebrating- enjoy.